Service Industry Woe

It's my duty as a patriotic American to send up this warning flare to the Republican Congress. Their very lives are in peril. THIS IS NOT A TEST! They have unknowingly stumbled into a dangerous situation that threatens them to a degree of which they are blissfully unaware. The fact that none of them will heed my advice saddens me a little, but not as much as it makes me giggle. I doubt any congressional embers read my blog anyway unless you count the staff of my local congressman whom I dutifully e-mail on a regular basis and I won't go into the responses I occasionally get for that effort.

Let me explain. The GOP-dominated Congress just barely missed pushing through a bogus minimum wage bill that also would have finally accomplished their thickheaded goal of eliminating the estate tax... making sure that Paris Hilton gets every damn penny she deserves. Well, perhaps that's imprecise phrasing. Sorry, I once promised to stop using her as my personal scratching post and return to the time honored practice of macking J Jacckson molestation jokes…guess I should let sleeping #@%$&'s lay
.
Anyway, that's not the scariest part. As part of the bill, the majority passed, on straight party lines, an amendment to the bill mandating a DROP in the minimum wage for workers that live in the seven states with a higher minimum wage for tipped employees, meaning in California, Wsahington and Oregon(Where I live) the pay for bartenders, waitresses, bellmen, and valets would have fallen from 6.75 an hour to 2.65. Those greedy bastards in the service industry will be asking for health care for their children next thing you know.

In other words, the minimum wage hike would have cut the yearly pay of tipped employees by about $9,600. Besides being more cynical than dyeing oval shaped rocks and passing them off as easter eggs to contestants in the Special Olympics, this situation would put thousands of Americans at risk. Especially members of our distinguished Congress.
Now, it goes without saying that these privileged lords and ladies have the same working relationship with the service industry that a giant cephalopod has with the gear ratio of Toyota Camry,(I don't get myself sometimes so if that seemed like a weird sentence , you are not alone) but my question is: are they out of their Mother @#*&^$!% minds? Do they harbor a secret death wish? What, exactly, is their long term plan, to never eat in a restaurant or drink in a bar or park their car again?
Back in the day(Yesterday), I was/am a member of the service industry (The boss of this blog don't pay shit), and remain eminently knowledgeable of how very very very long that journey between the kitchen and the table actually is. Many a twixt between cup and lip doesn't even begin to cover the circuitous trip that appetizers may be subject to. Quick and dirty detours are always available. What lies at the bottom of the murky depths of your soup? You don't want to know.
I'm not just talking about ptomaine and salmonella and e coli and Hepatitis C, I'm talking about foreign objects such as grated pencil shavings and excess saliva in the béarnaise sauce and baby poo in the mousse. How many of our distinguished representatives are prepared to wear diapers full time to guard against the surreptitious drop of Visine in their Vodka Cranberry? And good luck getting the bathroom attendant to hand you more paper. You might want to ask the Senator in the next stall for change for a five.

A Republican leader said the bill may be scuttled for now, but plans are to revisit it as soon as possible. Someone, please, for the sake of humanity, warn these simpletons that a minimum wage bill is supposed to RAISE the wages of our neediest. And they do not want to put themselves in jeopardy by even CONSIDERING such a regressive measure. I am only thinking of their welfare at this point. To root out every possible sabotage would be like picking out a pubic hair in a sprout sandwich or off the top of your coke. Does a dead fish under the passenger seat of your Town Car have any meaning here?

Has not one of these nimrods ever seen Upstairs Downstairs?

Well I have written myself into a corner here and so have to once again a nice little self-righteous rant as a dangling-chad…well at least this time I think I clearly made my point. Enjoy your dinner and tip your servers generously!