The fun of Manic Days

Thiese are some unfinished thoughts that I was working on to make into blog post but for one reason or another I just didn't…until now. Here you go…

If Mr. Tally Man tallies my bananas
Can I sue his ass for sexual harassment?

This post brought to you by the letter Q and the number 9

I am not obsessive why do think I am obsessive? Who told you I was obsessive. Why would you think I'm obsessive?
Seven things you can't say on MSN:
Macintosh, Apple, Smart Links Packaging Fraud But Then when would you use this one? Netscape, Netescape, Internet Explorer Uninstaller: abbreviated or not Opera, Firefox, AOL, America On Someone Other Than Bill Gate's Line Toupee, Hair Piece, Who's Your Daddy? Donald Trump Yale, IE 8: Yawn Penis
Twelve Fun Things To Say In a community college Chemistry Lab
1. So I shouldn't have filled the Bunsen Burner with gasoline?
2. Sir I just spilt something brown that bubbles on something red that doesn't. Did anyone misplace their Pepsi and Punch?
3. My lab partner and I will now attempt to make a test tube baby.
4. Give me the safety goggles and stand back, last time I did this the Dow Chemical company had to donate a new building.
5. That was a Hydrogen balloon you just sucked in you idiot.
6. Professor the contents just turned purple. Congratulations dad.
7. Sir, my lab partner's thermos is bubbling.
8. Professor, w accidentally, drenched the dry ice... Everyone watch for Zombie extras.
9. Explosion is a relative term.
10. Don't touch my beaker... I'm using it to test a vaccine for the bird flu
11. This same experiment got me kicked out of Devry.
Seven Ways To Get Kicked Out Of The Petting Zoo
1. Explain you just watched Gorillas in the Mist. So you'll need a sleeping bag and a note book.
2. Show up with a box of stuffing and ask for directions to the turkeys.
3. Build a barbecue pit.
4. Ask which birds feathers are best used to stuff a pillow.
5. Throw Easter Eggs at the bunny exhibit as you yell, "Thanks for missing our house again Peter Cotton Tail, you thoughtless prick."
6. Run like hell for the exit while claiming the Emu's have just predicted a massive quake.
7. Where a Davey Crockett hat. Tell the kids it use to be one of the zoo's ferrets.
8. Come dressed as Little Bo Peep looking for your sheep. If you're a guy and you try this, don't call me when you get locked up for acting psychotic.
9. Play Duck, Duck, Goose with real ducks.
10. Warn zoo goers that the pond has piranhas and anyone who wants to go skinny dipping needs to wear cup.
11. If the monkey's throw their shit at you, throw yours back at them.
12. Bring a rubber glove. Test the sheep for testicular cancer.
13. Read this blog out loud.
14. Read this blog out loud while testing the sheep for testicular cancer.
Congress Wants To Take Tips Off The Table
The gist of the idea is make tips a part of minimum wage. That way anyone who employs someone in the service industry could pay less than minimum wage. Here are some other things Congress might want to consider if they really think this is a good idea:
1. Beat your local waitress with a stick..
2. Put that waitress's kids on your barrel-o-pork eating salaries.
3. Force the venue that they work to pay them with chicken wings booze. Think of how that would make you more popular with the KFC and Budweiser lobby. Plus drunk people tend to vote Republican.
4. Make the decision to work in the service industry a mandatory 1st strike felony for stupidity.
5. Adopt a waitress and her family through Sally Struthers. Imagine, for only 50 cents a day, you can help feed the American Dream.
6. Start a foreign exchange for waitresses in Iraq. Jobs tend to pay better when you might loose a limb by serving a customer tea and cake.
7. Eliminate Congressional pay all together in favor of minimum wage plus tips. We as Americans will pay Congress a set rate plus a certain amount of tips based on how good we think you're doing. As popular as George Bush is right now, he could retire and by a beach house in Missouri.
8. Remodel the Statue of Liberty so that its flipping off incoming immigrants. That way they'll know: the American Dream. is reserved for those who can already afford it. It'll also serve as an I told you so, as they declare This ain't working and leave.