It's all Vainity.When I first started to "blog" some time ago my most basic reason for doing so was to have a record of my thoughts and perspectives attached to an exact date. I, at first, didn't want to have anyone read it, it was for me. Vainity.As I explored this form of on line, public journaling my entries became more sophisticated and my motives changed. It was a way to exspess myself in a way that I was unable to do so in person to person relationships. It became a way of saying "Hey, listen to me!". Vainity.I knew only a few people would ever actually look at it and even fewer of those who did woulds actually read it. Those I thought would examine my blog entries with a more than casual eye were either close to me or people whom I share a creative writting realtionship with. notice the use of the word my, Vainity.It occured to me as well about this time I could use this forum to tell certain people things I couldn't otherwise express to them. It would be a perfect way to tell those I have sour feelings for to go fuck themselves. People who other wise would not listen. If I wrote about them they would read and be forced to listen to my perspective. If you include someones name in a essay, journal entry, cartoon or whatever they almost certainly will read it because people are VAIN.Time moves on.Tic Toc, Tic Toc.I found myself writing more sophisticated entries into my various online avenues of self-expression . Ones that did not center completely on me. I was particularly proud of these later ones as I felt that they showed how I was growing as a writer. I was vain in an all new way.I decided I was proud enough, or at least longed so badly to have my say in a world I felt cheated by, to send out links to friends and family hopeing to have the people who's opinion mattered most to me reveiw the content of my "rawest" work. I knew not everyone would bother but I did expect some response, positive or negative, something. Vainity.Nothing at all happened. Turns out nobody cares about the rantings of one vain little man. I know I don't, should it surprise me thatothers don't as well?I knew that was a possiability though what really surprised me and made realize what vain, petty, selfindulgent and arrogant things like this blog are (and a million others like it) was my fiancees reaction and responses to my creations. "You never write about me ." Then in single most appropriate response I have seen to date, she went and created her own blog.I don't really think that says everthing about the issue nor does it lay out all my mixed feelings on the topic but as I don't expect this to be read does it really matter? If this is truely what I say it is, to myself and others, why should I care? Isn't this supposed to be a soort of diary? Open to anyone who cares to read it but not created specificly as a passive-aggresive battle feild?Maybe I am just extra crabby because I have given up smoking as of this morning and not because I wanted to. I hear that makes you a little testy. I do not know but at least if I accept the above assertations I am free of the bother of running shit through spellcheck.