"X"mas with the Zinzers

X-Mas At The Zinzer’s

Christmas at 511 K.

While it’s true that I’ve never been exactly a traditial person, when it comes to the Christmas season I do stick to the more conservative ways.

There was a time before I had my last crisis of faith and concluded that I was an atheist that I placed a spiritual spin on the Christmas season That and the familiarities of family /friends always lent a cheerful mood to the season for me. Yes I went to midnight mass ate entirely to much and left cookies and milk out for Santa. In 2001 things changed. My last few Christmases have been less than cheerful and far from the traditional holiday path I followed most of my life.

Christmas was marked by the separation from my fist wife (and more importantly my son Max) and the cancer that consumed my mother.

I spent that Christmas Eve of that year with my former friend Matthew a bottle of scotch and a small sprig of a pine tree pulled from the backyard of Matthew and Mike’s house. The Christmas following that one I spend wandering the streets of Athens, Georgia in a begreived, homeless, drunken blur. Ho Ho Ho

2003 was considerably better though far from the merry scene one tends to except thanks too turn of the century Coke advertisements and Norman Rockwell calendars. I spent it alone in my classic divorce’ studio apartment illuminated by a 24 inch fake tree from Eckerd’s. My Christmas spirit being another bottle of scotch although being a cheaper one.

The next December brought a Christmas season that was a decided improvement over the previous years. It was the first I spent in Washington State with my new fiancé and her father. We had few presents but we ate well had a very merry time and pretty much all the more familiar trappings of the season were present.

This year finds me sitting on the couch comfy and warm watching “It’s a wonderful life” with Shanzi here once again in her fathers house. A cozy fire warms our skin and the shared contents of a well packed bong warms our mood. Not exactly Norman Rockwell but a little closer to Frosty The Snowman, White Christmas, and Jingle Bells than our earlier partaking of horror movies. The mood is merry and the spirit is high and so are we, thanks for asking. There’s no scotch present for me to cry into as a matter of fact I don’t drink often or very much anymore. I almost never smoke marijuana but I feel a little different about it tonight. I’m in a good mood and the smiles come easily. Despite all my efforts to be depressed I feel myself in a deck the halls kind of mood and more than just a bit cheerfully sentimental.

It’s been years since I had the stomach to watch Frank Cappras 1946 classic but Shanzi has never seen it so I think that changes things. Its nice. I don’t think I’ll be in the mood to sit through NLC vacation as I once did with Matthew.. Guess I haven’t grown that far yet. But at the same time I am open to being something other than a scrooge this year.

Amid my atheistic ponderings, Shanzi’s quest for meaning and a meaningless universe and Bruce’s UFO driven new age disparities (Bruce is presently printing "Orgoan" generators off of the internet to create positive mojo) not mention the occasional cloud of mind altering smoke there is something very much of worth and definitely Christmas-ie. Tonight reminds me of Christmas eves long before my fall from grace nights like Christmas eve 2000 when I tucked my little 6 month old son Max away to bed so that I could sneak off and play Santa for the first time. Christmas Eve’s not so far removed in spirit from those I recall of my youth under my grandmothers roof.

So I yes I may have to smile through my teeth as I listen to the explaination of the finer points of our alien visitors message for humanity. A happy warm loving atmosphere prevails here tonight and isn’t that kind of what everyone wants in Christmas. I don’t feel so silly or stupid as my eyes tear up when George finds Zu Zu’s petals “my mouth’s bleedin, Bert, my mouth’s bleedin” I even ponder angelic promotions when I brush the tree in passing and a faint jingle catches my ear despite the fact there isn’t a bell to be found within the tree’s great green span.

Maybe next year instead of a pyramind power hat, I might just wear a Santa hat.